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Day 5: Grieve, rage, and move on

Today’s affirmation is –

“It is safe for me to feel my emotions fully and to release them. The crying will stop when it’s ready to stop. I have the strength to tolerate my strong emotions.”

Today’s prayer is –

“With my, spirit, I focus on the creator’s love throughout my system. I ask my spirit to identify all the causes of and symptoms of my discomfort, resentment, grief, and anger, and release them to the creator.

Today is all about letting go of past hurts. I could write a letter to the biggest perpetrator, my mother, burn it, and wash away the negative energy with an Epsom salts bath. Or I could pray to be changed into someone who is no longer angry with my mother. I could also cut the energetic cords, not excusing her behaviour, let the feelings out, and finishing off with a blessing for her.

I know all of these suggestions are great, having been through similar processes with my psychologist, but trying to do them at home, with everyone around is a little tricky. If I’m going to be raging and/or crying, I want to be alone, not having to think about anyone else while I let rip.

That said, the day started well, following a very sound sleep. The medicinal wine from last night may have helped. Before leaping (or hobbling) into action, I said my prayers and affirmations while stretching out my feet, arms and legs. The crunchy sounds from my shoulders are a noisy reminder to make time every day to stretch. While thinking over my past hurts, I remember being told that they are stored in the body, waving flags as aches and pains and issues in the physical sense. I wonder what my sore heels and crunchy shoulders represent. I dare say the late Louise Hay would have plenty of advice for me. I must dig out her book again.

I decide not to write a no-holds barred, shoot from the hip, letter to my mother. I’ve been over this ground before. Instead I opt for the cord cutting exercise. I feel the need to sever this mental cord so that I can keep my positive energy to myself, instead of having it leached out of me whenever I call my mother. Those of you with narcissistic parents will understand the need to do this. I refuse to let her beat me down (psychologically) anymore. I refuse to look for the parental approval that will never come.

Standing quietly, barefoot, under the protection of my holly tree, I concentrated on my lower chakras, from the solar plexus downwards. Once my breathing deepened, I ‘felt’ around for any cords. I felt one tugging at my body, near my navel. Somehow, I know this is the cord to cut. Making sweeping chop movements with my hands, I loosen the connection between me and my mother. It is not as strong as it once was but it is still there. Dr Northrup’s advice is that this make take several sessions, and so it is with this cord. I guess this is another area of my spiritual work which falls into the category “Work in Progress”, with the emphasis on progress.

Blessing my mother, I ended the session with my forehead touching the trunk of the holly tree. I sent it my love and thanks for keeping me grounded and protected.

I felt tired afterwards, and a little prickly, so I guess I’m on the right track. Thank God hubby was around to dispense lovely hugs.

Tomorrow should be an interesting day – a day of being sexy and sensual. Let’s see what unfolds!

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