As I live a number of hours journey away from my parents, we don’t see each other frequently, and to be frank, this suits me fine. That said, I do like to try to see them at least once a year.
So far, we’ve only managed to ‘see’ each other via FaceTime. I wanted to see them before Christmas, to spend some (limited to protect my sanity) together, and exchange Christmas gifts without paying vast sums of money to the postal service.
I had asked mother earlier this year, but she declined to respond, glossing over my question as if it had never been asked. I tried again this month, being much more direct in my invitation, only for her to recite her list of diary engagements between now and the end of December. I offered to come to them (even though they are retired and have more available time). She went on to say that we should forget about January and February as they can be tricky for bad weather.
So here’s my reaction to this. The hurt child heard that her mother’s diary engagements are more important that making time for us to meet. So be it. I finished the phone call as fast as I could and reacted. Hurt, angry, and frustrated, I stomped round the kitchen muttering under my breath about being done trying to be a ‘good child’.
It was my dear hubby who put things back into perspective, reminding me that I cannot change my mother into the mother I need. All I can do is change how I react when she behaves true to form.
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Your one-liner is so true and resonates with me in how I react to stressors at work. Something to always think about.
So sorry about the relationship with your mom. Try to focus on the good relationships with your very wise husband and friends. They are the ones to spend time with. Hugs.
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I’m the same with work issues – I tend to shoot from the hip. So far, I’ve not made any career-limiting shots!
Yeah… my therapist said pretty much the same as you – concentrate on the good relationships, and manage my boundaries with mum. Thank you for the cyberhug – have one back {{{hugs}}}
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That’s unfortunate. It’s very hard to get that perspective from an inward place, and it’s nice you’ve given us a visual reminder.
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I work better with visuals… It is what it is, and no amount of wishing will change how mum is. She’s getting worse the older she gets. Oh joy!!
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Truly unfortunate.
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Good point and good implied advice.
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If only I’d remembered it at the time!
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IT is a good point, and it leads us to better choices (if we pay attention).
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I’m trying to practice Stopping, Taking a breath, Observing what’s really going on, before I Proceed.
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