Feeling loved and odd on Mother’s Day

Hello there lovely readers. Here we are at the beginning of another wonderful week. I hope you all had fun weekends. Here in the UK we had Mother’s Day to celebrate. This one was my first one without both cost centers under my roof. I did have one with me. Cost center 1 (CC1) came home from university as she has studying to do for upcoming finals, as well as her thesis to write. Cost center 2 (CC2) is backpacking in Vietnam.

Between them, they managed to make me feel very loved and cherished with their thoughtful gifts and cards, and FaceTime calls with CC2. It’s the first time he’s been away on Mother’s Day and he did a great job of making sure I knew how much he appreciates me. He actually managed to make me cry when I read the heartfelt words he’d written to me.

My experience with my own mother was odd. My longest followers will know that my relationship with her is a challenging one for me and the main reason why I am seeing a psychologist. Anyway, back to yesterday. I arranged for three dozen multicoloured roses to be delivered to her yesterday. I’d also sent her a card the previous week. I know I was a little early, but given the state of chaos in the country due to snow, I thought I’d make sure it had plenty of time to get there.

I was a little taken aback when she texted me last week to thank me for the card! Clearly she’d not been able to wait until yesterday, even though I’d written on the envelope “Not to be opened until 11th March”. Typical. Well, at least she’d have to wait till the big day for the flowers to arrive!

With the usual trepidation, I phoned to wish her a happy day. A quick “thank you” and she was off at a tangent, talking about people who have died this week in her neighbourhood, and some information she’d unearthed for her genealogy research. I did my best to be enthusiastic about all her news, but couldn’t help wondering why she was concentrating on death.

Fortunately, the timely arrival of the roses diverted her conversation back to more joyful topics. I wished her a fun-filled rest of the day and hung up. Phew. I’d survived the call but felt drained, as I usually do. I’ve yet to master the art of avoiding having my energy hoovered out of me when I call her.

To recharge my batteries, I did some gardening for the first time this year. I find gardening to be a great way to re-ground myself, getting my hands into the soil, digging, weeding, and planting. My shady corner now looks so much tidier and has some new plants in there too. Nice job, Cath!

CC1 created a wonderful evening meal, which, after all the hours in the garden, I was more than ready for. She’s a great cook when she puts her mind to it. And then something unexpected appeared in my inbox, a nice message from my mum. Here’s the thing. She’s not known for expressing love in any way but the message was full of it. How odd!

Re-reading it didn’t help. I felt weird. I checked with my sister to see if she’d received something similar. She had, and remarked that it was most unlike mum to write such lovely things. She also felt weird about the message. It is a sad thing when two children with a living mother, feel disturbed by words that should have made them feel loved.

I dare say, my psychology appointment will be quite an interesting one this week.

Wishing you all a wonderful week.

Cath xx