It’s been quite a whirlwind of events in the past 6 weeks or so, hence the radio silence for the past two weeks. It was so hard not to get swept away by the speed and ferocity of events and emotions. In short, I feel like I’ve been flushed down the loo, and run white water rapids with nothing to protect me except my own will to survive! I never knew till now, just how physical grief can be.
If you’re a bit wobbly about reading stuff to do with women’s issues, skip this paragraph! Ok – so a hormone surge appeared out of the blue. The girls (ovary 1 and 2) have been dormant for two years but had an impromptu party, leaving me with the mess to clean up in the form of a couple of egg-sized boob cysts, spectacular hot flushes (honestly, I put out more heat than a massive radiator!) and galloping health anxiety. In spite of reassurance from a variety of healthcare professionals that I am fit and healthy , I still felt I was going to expire… the worst incident happened in the middle of our nearest city, on a Saturday, trying to do Christmas shopping. I felt weak, wobbly, racing heart, hot, cold and ready to cry. Fortunately Mr D wasn’t too far away (he was shopping solo for a surprise for me) and met me with a big hug.
So – if you skipped the last paragraph I have had a few health issues and one anxiety attack in the middle of Christmas shopping. Mr D has been a star throughout all of this, while coping with his own troubles on the work front… those of you who follow this blog will have read yesterday’s One-liner Wednesday and know how badly he’s been treated by his company. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband. Things came to a head on Monday morning, the funeral of my old friend. I didn’t attend as it was for close family only. Once again, tears flowed freely and I let them. The dog got a super-long walk that lunchtime and I think I must have thoroughly bent God’s ear as I walked and talked to Him. I felt better, like I’d turned a corner at last.
Today I had a session with a Tui Na masseur who also happens to be a Reiki master. In between the exquisite pain of pressure points being pressed and released, he was able to tell me he felt I had gone through an emotionally painful time but that my body was indicating it was near the end of processing everything and to keep pushing on towards the finishing line. This is amazing advice considering the charity wrist band I was given by a man selling them in the city while I was having the anxiety attack. It reads ‘Never give up!!!’. As the man placed the band on my hand he held it, looked into my eyes and told me everything would be ok… just stop and breathe deeply. So I did…. I followed the advice of the angel in disguise and the panic reduced.
I have one last piece of self-care to do – I contacted my lovely psychologist, gave her the potted history of the last 8 weeks and agreed a time to talk it all out. After that, dear readers, I guess I will be able to close the door on this episode in my life, hopefully much wiser from the experience. Time will tell.
Thank you for stopping by xx
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