This week’s post is a little quirky. Don’t say you weren’t warned! I used an issue I need to address, in combination with drawing a tarot card each time I hit a writers block. It’s a little off-the-wall and a little rant, but as I’ve been told before, “better out than in!”. Here goes…
If I could turn back time, I would take further steps to ensure my teenage diary was never found by Dad, then I might have remained Daddy’s girl for a bit longer. I always thought that Dad was the easier parent to be around compared to Mum – less judgemental and more easy going. In hindsight, he was actually a hands-off parent, a product of the upbringing of the time he was born in.
Communication has never been his strong point. Well not within the family setting. All through my adult life he used to hand me off to Mum almost as soon as he answered the phone. The times we did speak were due to Mum being elsewhere. Mum was always a chatterbox in one way or an other. She would phone me at the most inopportune times… usually as I was about to go to bed. The phone ringing at that time of night used to send me into panic mode, wondering what had happened to prompt a late night call. Usually it was nothing that couldn’t wait till the following day! She’d chat away and I’d spend the next hour trying to get rid of a massive adrenalin dump in my system. Hello sleepless night! When she learned to text there was no stopping her random messages informing me of her latest coffee or shopping expedition.
How times have changed. Mum is so incapacitated that she cannot use a phone and can barely hold a conversation on a video conference. I had thought that Dad would need his daughters to talk to. As it turns out he just doesn’t want to talk to anyone at all. Video calls, phone calls and text messages are reluctantly answered. Non-communication is not limited to my sister and me. He will not answer the phone/mobile to people he needs to talk to. This includes Mum’s social worker, who is trying to sort out her care package for the future. Any attempt to talk about this ends up with the messenger (me or my sis) being shot!
As a result I now feel sick as a dog before I have to call him about Mum’s care. I get the silent treatment and have to do all the running to get him to talk again. In the end, I feel drained. This can’t go on. There will be more horrible issues to deal with and I can’t take much more of this behaviour from him but what to do? I can’t just abandon him to his moods. If I do, I know he will make some dumbass decision that will dump a whole new heap of issues to deal with.
At this point I ran out of words so pulled a card, the 2 of Swords… I feel I am at stalemate with Dad’s behaviour. I have often said I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
So what can I expect as things progress? Oh what fun. I drew The Tower! Really it’s not that much of a surprise. Mum was the foundation and bedrock of the family. Her failing health and resulting care issues have upset the applecart. Dad, my sister and I are the characters on the card, falling from the tower which is crumbling, following a catastrophic lightning strike.
However, this state of affairs will not last forever. What will be the outcome? The final card I drew was the Emperor. The calm that always follows a storm will see us empowered to deal with anything coming our way.