Blog Posts, Tarot

Ouch! That was painful.

Angel Oracle card and Tarot draw for this week

Last weeks’s draw for the week ahead was the Hanged Man. I tried my best to take on board the lessons of this card, to step into other people’s shoes… mostly my father’s shoes. It didn’t work out as I planned and secretly hoped, but it did when it came to the work project.

As you know, I was pushing for an earlier start date than the middle of next year for a huge project (for me). Having talked with the team who will deliver the integration thingy (I’m not fluent in geek speak!) the timeline is actually more realistic than I thought. I have all the patience of a boiling kettle! The team showed me similar projects and their timelines. So you see, looking at it from a different perspective, as advised by the Hanged Man, cleared up misunderstandings on my part and gave me some insight into the work this other team carries out. I have a greater appreciation for what they do. Nice one, Hanged Man.

This week’s draw is connected with the death of my mother in the last half of last year, and my relationship with my father since then. To put it bluntly, it’s gone down the tubes. And it’s not just me, it’s my sister too. He cannot seem to communicate with us in any way other than cold and distant. With his grandchildren, the story is different. There’s grandfatherly warmth and humour in his chats and texts with them.

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It was brought to a head this weekend. A double whammy if you will. In the UK it was Mother’s Day on Sunday, and my birthday on the Saturday. A double first of life events without Mum’s presence. Dad refused to join the family video conference call for my birthday, in spite of being on-line at the time. When I called him on the old-fashioned land line, to thank him for my birthday money, the call went to the answering machine before he finally picked up. No greetings, no ‘happy birthday’, only monosyllabic responses. It was clear he did not want to talk to me so I cut the call short, feeling sick to the pit of my stomach. I felt like I’d been a bad child.

When I did my weekly card draw yesterday, it was not a surprise to see the Ten of Swords. Dad’s behaviour this weekend left me reeling in shock at being cut adrift at a time when my sister and I could have done with a little touch of love and understanding during yesterday’s UK celebrations. Instead we were deeply wounded while dealing with our own grief. There’s no getting away from it, our relationship with our father has changed and we must dust ourselves down and adapt to our new ‘new’.

However, it is not all doom and gloom. As Mum would say, ‘somewhere, above the clouds, the sun is still shining!’ This is true of the Ten of Swords. Look at the sky in the card. Notice that although the dark clouds are gathered overhead, the horizon shows the sun preparing to shine again. The water behind the figure is flat calm, indicating that after this horrible shock, things will brighten up. As this is a ten, we are at the end of this cycle of pain and despair. All I need to do is hold on to Mum’s chirpy words, knowing that I can learn from this and move onwards, a wiser person (hopefully).

Goodness me! Time to take a look at the Angel Oracle card I drew. It’s times like this I get the feeling these two decks work together. The Heart Chakra card is a most welcome reminder to keep an open heart, stay loving no matter what’s going on around you in order to attract more peace and joy in your life.

And on that positive note, after the shock of the Ten of Swords, I wish you all a safe, healthy and happy week ahead. If any of you encounter a Ten of Swords situation, may it be as brief as possible.

Julie xx

Blog Posts, Menopausal Mutterings

The mind is a funny old thing…

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… if you let it run out of control who knows which rabbit hole you can end up falling down. Will you end up in Wonderland or in one of Dante’s circles of hell. Knowing my luck, it would be the latter. That’s the thing with anxiety, the mind can be super-efficient at making epic mountains out of molehills. Mine is particularly gifted at this. It was more or less under control, up till COVID hit. Hands up all those whose first thought is COVID when they get a cough or the sniffles? Yup … me too.

Mum’s failing health and subsequent transition to her new life has not exactly helped matters. It seems the grieving process can turn up the volume of anxiety and its little weirdo friends, the physical symptoms. What a conundrum. How do I know whether that odd thing is a product of an anxious insomniac mind or a physical thing? The thing is, I don’t. I just don’t know. But what I do know is that almost without exception, they all dissipate when I finally chill out. They also disappear when I’m engrossed in a task, go for a walk, have a gin and tonic.

COVID lockdown 2.0 hasn’t helped. We must stay home as much as possible, staying away from other people. Socialising is just not a safe option just now. Our region hoped to be coming out of lockdown and into tier 2 – with some socialising allowed, but alas, we are too close to one of the UK’s major COVID hotspots so not much change come Wednesday. It will simply be Lockdown 2.1 until 16th Dec. Boo! Much as I love my family to bits, I miss giggling with my dance club members ,and weekend afternoons in the pub, with a drink by the fireside, tackling the weekend giant crossword while chatting to friends and neighbours (at a distance, of course).

I know how lucky I am to have my family around me. Dad is in Scotland with not so many restrictions, but he is now on his own. The clubs and groups that would be supporting him through this time are closed indefinitely. My sister is close by and they have ‘bubbled’ together for support, but neither of them is getting the support which really helps – in person contact.

Photo by Askar Abayev on Pexels.com

The healing power of a hug should not be underestimated. Last night I dreamed Mr D and I were with our dance club members and it was safe to hug again (this is my dream, so hugging is fine). One of the ladies, who’s famous for her epic carrot cake, gives the most amazing hugs and she packed a year’s worth of missed hugs into one mega-hug for me. It felt like she lifted so much sorrow and pain from me in that one hug. Gosh, how I wish that was real. I reckon the physical symptoms of grief would be much reduced by timely administration of healing hugs.

I truly hope that this time 2021, I’m writing about being safely hugged. For now, I send you all the safest thing I can – virtual hugs.

Stay safe and healthy my lovelies.

Cath xx (virus-free kisses)