Having been in some form of lockdown since last October, even with the most positive attitude, I find myself thoroughly bored and itching for something more in life. What do I want? As soon as I ask this question of myself, I wander off and do something completely unrelated, as if I’m avoiding my own question. If I change the question to what do I want for Mr D or either of my cost centres (aka kidults), I can write a list as long as both my arms. Interesting.
Why can’t I apply the same level of concentration when the question is about me? Is this down to years of motherly and wifely behaviours, to put my family before myself, which is perfectly natural while the youngsters are growing up? Now that they don’t need intensive rearing is this still appropriate? Or is this symptomatic of something a little more troubling?
Maybe my avoidance relates to how I see my own needs and dreams – not as important. The thing is lockdown has changed us whether we like it or not. For me, I’ve seen my kids land new jobs, a seemingly impossible task in the current climate, and Mr D has never been busier. In short, they are doing well and, on the way to achieving their own goals. So that leaves me looking at my own goals for the first time in forever.
‘Ok Cath. Let’s do this. What would do you desire?’
And in a nanosecond, I’m thinking about what is realistic.
‘Cath, that’s so boring and bogged down in unnecessary constraints. Try thinking outside the box!’
‘The box looks like it’s seen better days!’
‘Focus Cath! Never mind what the box looks like.’
And in a nanosecond, I’m thinking about what is realistic.
‘Cath, that’s so boring and bogged down in unnecessary constraints. Try thinking outside the box!’
‘The box looks like it’s seen better days!’
‘Focus Cath! Never mind what the box looks like.’
‘If you could have anything you wished for what would be on your list?’
- Retire – I want to leave corporate life and dance to my own tune• Relocate to my favourite village in Cornwall. A smaller house with a decent garden and room for a beehive
- Learn how to keep bees. I love honey and want to do my bit to help our bee population
- Travel to New Zealand for a month – in a camper van. No fixed itinerary, go with the flow, provided we pop in past Matamata and Hobbiton
- Design and grow an apothecary’s garden. Sounds fancy, but, as Mr D points out, this could also be called a gin botanicals garden. He knows me so well
- Learn to paddle-board and/or surf. I think it’s the law if you migrate to Cornwall!
- Conquer my fear of water up my nose so I can shallow-dive with Mr D and see pretty fish when we go somewhere with warm seas
- Zap health anxiety once and for all! Sometimes I am my own worst enemy!
What’s on your wish list?
Feel free to do suggestions in the comments. I look forward to reading them.
Stay safe and well.
Cath xx
cathdean.com 